Once upon a moment – he liked me, and I liked him. Beautiful to the eye, to the soul and the gym membership, all was peaceful in my chirpy little world. I felt safer than a walnut in its shell and it was a feeling I hadn’t had many a time before now. Too often had I entered into a relationship with question marks, a suggestive warning sign that couldn’t leave my discernment, a hint of control that didn’t feel like he felt safe within himself, never mind me. But this one was different. He had shown himself to be thoughtful without the cheese, caring without the need to receive back, and above all, kind without agenda – or performance.
Three dates down, we found ourselves at a party heralding a lot of singles. Armed with secret hand signals (scratch the nose if you think someone talking to you likes you, tug the shirt if you think a girl whom he is talking to likes him, pick out eye gloop if you’re getting jealous) – I was his and he was mine. Already we were sharing secret codes that meant nothing other than ‘you are safe and so I am.’
Dashing men obviously are coveted by most of the single population and I’m no alien to them being wanton men when they have dated me. If you’re going to date a stellar guy, expect a small audience and the potential manipulative lady. And this party was no different. But I did not fear – why would I when I never needed to question his exclusivity?
As he and I nonchalantly talked like we had met each other for the first time, an actress appeared into the conversation like Cinderella’s Godmother. After about 5 minutes of attempting to impersonate my accent, it had become quite apparent that I was indeed not the target of conversation, but Mr Cotton Candy next to me.
‘Do you sing?’ I asked her.
‘I’m in the show Cabaret right now.’ And although I’m sure Liza Minnelli would have wanted her own moment to share her opinion on the matter, I took the opportunity to realize how secure this new man in my life had made me.
‘Teddy sings. Don’t you Teddy?’
‘What?’ He covers his eyes of shock with a tender smile. ‘Erm..’
‘Yes he has the voice of an angel. You two should catch up and hear him sometime.’ It was the truth, he just didn’t want me sharing it with a women who’d have had him for breakfast had she her way. I knew this wasn’t information he wanted branding around at the party. Mighty Men don’t care for such attention when they have their eyes only on you.
And that was my point.
When you find safety in the exclusivity of a man who is a strong yes with you. When you know he’d share his heart with you, his mistakes, his shortcomings, his achievements, his feelings with you – you never need second guess where you stand.
And like a good father, such men bring out the best of you.
Everything changes when the man is intentional, when he cares for your heart, when he wants to be with you and no one else. When he communicates exactly where he is with you, when he shares his heart on levels that make the frequencies in you resonate with your spirit. It changes your world. It changes your perspective, it renders you fearless, it builds a confidence in you that is actually happy to share such a man with the world.
It’s the games he doesn’t play, it’s the look he doesn’t send her, it’s the touch he doesn’t reach out to other girls, it’s the texts he doesn’t sneak to females, it’s the look he does give to you, it’s the smile he can find when you disembark into a small irrational meltdown. It’s the waterfall of feelings he can’t stop pouring on you. It’s the exit he’s not looking for, it’s the fight is he willing to make for you, it’s the protection he wants to use over the guy on the dance floor edging your way.
It’s all so easy. Nothing need be assumed, nothing need be questioned, nothing need be played up or down – because the reality of his love breaks down every fearful wall. Whatever man that came before – perhaps the actions didn’t introduce themselves to the words, perhaps he texts you all day but had nothing but empty play for the game of commitment you were hoping for.
You were hoping to be his girl, but he couldn’t make up his mind.
Nope – not the Mighty Man.
You know what you’ve got, he doesn’t need to prove anything, he doesn’t need to exhort you with fine wine and jewellery to make up for the lack of feelings he’s avoiding to give you.
The closer you get with him, the less you need to ask. Because he’s doing it all, and you’re finally free to fly.
We often have to question the codes that men play, do they or do they not like you? The Mighty Men might make codes with you to decipher the rest of the world, but they’ll never create arithmetic that leaves you more confused. That’s an avoidant – and great men always run to love, never from.
The only thing we need to do, is to believe they are still out there. Because they are once you lift the veil.